We had a wonderful double-hike weekend, which was also our 3rd anniversary. With so much excitement and so many great photos and stories, I decided to do this month’s blog a little differently. Rather than blog the story in chronological order, I’m going to write a series of articles about the weekend, starting with this one:
Life Hanging By A Thread: The Dangers of the Trail Lifestyle
Many people perceive the lives of us semi-professional hikers as being full of glamour and international intrigue. You know of our couture fashions, our impossibly high stiletto heels, our merchant banker toyboys, our limited edition sports cars & our exotic pets.
But what you may not know is the peril we live through on each and every hike. It is the job of this blog to educate the masses about our daring and derring-do. You will enter into our secret world of hidden threats and close escapes as we expose the dangers of the Bruce Trail lifestyle.
Here are some dangers our brave ladies face on every single hike:
We cross rickety bridges with a troll living underneath:
We get swallowed up in tall grass and run the risk of losing ourselves and our companions:
We are at constant risk of falling into crevasses:
We are constantly at risk of being afflicted with “trail madness.” This terrifying disease strikes suddenly and causes its victims to lose their balance. There is no cure.
And then there are the escarpment pirates! They are talked about only in hushed whispers, but they are greatly feared. If they capture you, you are forced to “walk the plank” to a watery grave.
One little known fact is that the Bruce Trail is thought to be the original Garden of Eden. Legend has it that Eve still roams the trail, apple in hand. This is not good if you happen to be a guy named Adam.
There are many trees along the trail which are really ghouls and goblins imprisoned inside tree trunks. They express their rage by dropping branches on hikers as they pass by. A deadly peril!
One menace that seems so innocent is the presence of fallen apples underfoot. Their cheery red and yellow skin belies the hazard of the slippery, rolling flesh. There were a LOT of apples on this section of trail and we learned to step carefully!
The trail is always full of cracks and crevices and one pitfall of autumn hiking is that these cracks are covered in leaves. The unsuspecting hiker puts her foot down onto…. air!
Many of you readers are currently enjoying a comfortable chair, a mug of hot tea or a glass of fine wine. Spare a thought for us, the Bruce Trail hikers, huddled on our damp log, eating soggy cold rations as the rain pelts us mercilessly.
Then, of course, there is the little-known peril of running into a dastardly tree-hugger along the trail. Unsuspecting hikers can approach the carefully camouflaged tree-hugger and be unaware of the menace until she has them in her grasp.
The one hiking hazard we have all experienced many times is the certain risk of having a great time with fantastic people. I cannot think of another venture which has so consistently brought such joy into the lives of those who venture forth to experience it. Long live the Bruce Trail!